JOHN IS COMING HOME IN EXACTLY 1 WEEK! LIKE 7 DAYS, LIKE AS IN 168 HOURS!!
Yea, I'm just a little bit excited, in case its not glaringly obvious or anything.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Monday, August 13, 2007
glamour
I have this thing with fashion magazines. I can't resist picking up 2 or 3 every time I go to wal- mart and scouring the pages soaking up the stylish clothes that cover every page. But last night I was flipping through the pages and came to this article. Please if you have to time to read it, it will be well worth your time.
As I read the words I became sick, angry, upset, I felt helpless and scared and yet grateful. I was moved. I cried as I kept reading, I wanted to lay the magazine down and forget but I couldn't. This is something we all need to see and read about every now and then to remember to be enormously grateful for everything, everything we have. We need to remember the small things in life and not get so caught up in not having an outfit to wear or not having a lot of money and not having the job you want. Reading this article made me feel horrible for getting so caught up in my life and made my problems seem small. I cried last night about the way humanity is, and why people do the atrocities that they do, against fellow humans, who share the air, have the same blood, are made up exactly the same and are created by the same God. It opened my eyes and I became even more so grateful than I already feel that I am, and was grateful for my full stomach, for the bed I was in, for feeling safe, even for the fact that John is just going for 7 months and that if that was my biggest problem I was facing and that I, should get down on my knees and thank the Lord for what I've got and that's my only problem.
For the first time I was actually proud of what John is doing. I'm still scared and upset, but if he can help to rebuild a country and end violence, violence against innocent people who just want the luxury of feeling safe then I think that maybe I can handle this. That if women who have been through unspeakable things and still find a way to become whole again, then I can too.
As I read the words I became sick, angry, upset, I felt helpless and scared and yet grateful. I was moved. I cried as I kept reading, I wanted to lay the magazine down and forget but I couldn't. This is something we all need to see and read about every now and then to remember to be enormously grateful for everything, everything we have. We need to remember the small things in life and not get so caught up in not having an outfit to wear or not having a lot of money and not having the job you want. Reading this article made me feel horrible for getting so caught up in my life and made my problems seem small. I cried last night about the way humanity is, and why people do the atrocities that they do, against fellow humans, who share the air, have the same blood, are made up exactly the same and are created by the same God. It opened my eyes and I became even more so grateful than I already feel that I am, and was grateful for my full stomach, for the bed I was in, for feeling safe, even for the fact that John is just going for 7 months and that if that was my biggest problem I was facing and that I, should get down on my knees and thank the Lord for what I've got and that's my only problem.
For the first time I was actually proud of what John is doing. I'm still scared and upset, but if he can help to rebuild a country and end violence, violence against innocent people who just want the luxury of feeling safe then I think that maybe I can handle this. That if women who have been through unspeakable things and still find a way to become whole again, then I can too.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
North Carolina
I went to North Carolina to visit John this weekend. This was our third and final trip. Third as in like we actually got three girls together, with all our girly shit, and drove for 12 hours! We started talking about it on the our way up there. It's like we're just getting in the car and going! Just like we were going to a friends house or something, or going to the grocery store. It had become a part of our life.
These trips have meant a lot to me because I might have crawled out into oncoming traffic if I hadn't gotten to see John and secondly I have gotten to be wonderful friends with 2 girls who's husbands are going to Iraq with John.
All these trips have been wonderful because it kind of allowed me to get away for a while. The entire 12 hours we spent driving we talked about everything, as anyone would expect women to do. We talked about how we felt about this deployment, we talked about how in our opinion the Marines have changed us and them, how scared we were, how angry we were, and how ultimately, we all wished this wasn't happening. When we got to North Carolina, being with John again was almost surreal and the fact we were in a different place and holy shit it was Thursday and I was not at work! All of it just made it seem like it was going to be ok. I remember waking up Saturday and being so happy because I had all that day and all day Sunday, everything was gonna be ok. It's insane how you can live on one weekend for so long. Between the weekends we went up there, I did nothing but think about the things we did the last time and counting down the days until we left again and that kept me going. It's like you have to stuff 2 weeks worth of stuff into one weekend to make up for the lost time away from each other. Like you feel like you can't just let go for a second because you might miss something, like you feel guilty for even sleeping because your wasting time with that person, valuable time that will never get to be replaced. Time that you know will have to be well spent enough for you to make it to the next time around. Time that you know on Monday morning will end abruptly and you will be tossed back into the real world, where you're alone again.
These trips have meant a lot to me because I might have crawled out into oncoming traffic if I hadn't gotten to see John and secondly I have gotten to be wonderful friends with 2 girls who's husbands are going to Iraq with John.
All these trips have been wonderful because it kind of allowed me to get away for a while. The entire 12 hours we spent driving we talked about everything, as anyone would expect women to do. We talked about how we felt about this deployment, we talked about how in our opinion the Marines have changed us and them, how scared we were, how angry we were, and how ultimately, we all wished this wasn't happening. When we got to North Carolina, being with John again was almost surreal and the fact we were in a different place and holy shit it was Thursday and I was not at work! All of it just made it seem like it was going to be ok. I remember waking up Saturday and being so happy because I had all that day and all day Sunday, everything was gonna be ok. It's insane how you can live on one weekend for so long. Between the weekends we went up there, I did nothing but think about the things we did the last time and counting down the days until we left again and that kept me going. It's like you have to stuff 2 weeks worth of stuff into one weekend to make up for the lost time away from each other. Like you feel like you can't just let go for a second because you might miss something, like you feel guilty for even sleeping because your wasting time with that person, valuable time that will never get to be replaced. Time that you know will have to be well spent enough for you to make it to the next time around. Time that you know on Monday morning will end abruptly and you will be tossed back into the real world, where you're alone again.
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