Snapping that baby back in place

So I went to the chiropractor this morning and.... HOLY SHIT I feel so much better. The doc took x-rays of my back and I think he sort of died a little inside when he saw them and realized how young I was to have such a fucked up back. Your spine is suppose to be curved anyway, but the way mine was curved was the complete opposite of how it is naturally suppose to be. He said that my neck was the reason everything else got off because the curve in my neck is the worst. And since every action has a reaction...all the discs are off centered because of my neck. All the nerves that run from my neck are causing the rest of my back to hurt and is causing my spinal discs to literally turn around. The doc said that all of this is caused from a mixture of stress, possibly from some previous car wrecks and bad posture. He said that it's so bad that it's caused my right shoulder to be higher than the left, my head to tilt slighty AND my left leg be a tad bit shorter than the other. I got my back popped too and lord, I was in heaven. He popped it in like 8 or 9 different places. I have to go back a 2 or 3 times a week for like the next 4 weeks to get everything back where it should be.

So there you have it-20 years old with a back that looks like a fucking roller coaster at disney world.

1:00 AM June 9

Dear Lord,

Lord please do not let this happen. Please, do not take this man that I love so much. Lord, I'd do anything at the drop of a hat just so he could stay here. I know we're not the most deserving people, Lord, but please don't let this happen. Please. I love him so much and I'm sort of lost without him and it's hard to even breathe sometimes with him gone. Lord, I beg you from the bottom of my heart, my soul, my mind and body to not let this happen. You've given me so much Lord, and I am forever indebted to you but if you can just make this one more thing happen, Lord I'd be beyond grateful. Lord, we need a miracle and I know that you're the only one that can do it, so I ask you please do not take him. Please, please please, do not take him. Don't tear us apart, Lord, don't let us have to go through this. I cannot even fathom what this will be like with him really away. I won't be able to call him at any time, or see him in the mornings and afternoons, I won't be able to curl up next to him at night, I won't be able to just sit in the same room with him even. Lord, I ask you to please let him stay here, with the people that love him more than he will ever know. Please Lord, please.

Just Like Saying, "Ok, smack me in the teeth with that brick"

How exactly do you prepare to send someone you love away for a year? Especially someone that you sometimes miss when they're at work. How do you come face to face with reality and learn to be okay with it?
John and I have always had a wonderful relationship. It's had it's ups and downs, like any relationship, but overall the good times prevailed. When I found out that he'd signed up to join the marines, I was totally okay with it, I thought it would be the best thing in the world for him (sighs and kicks self in ass). I realized just how stupid and ignorant I was on January 23, 2006 around 9:00 p.m. when I dropped John off to go to Parris Island, SC. The second I drove off I started to cry and I realized how much he meant to me. All I wanted to do was take back all the times I'd been an ass, the times I didn't tell him thank you or that I was sorry, the times I didn't tell him how much I loved him. Those 3 months were quite possibly the worst 3 months of my life. It started out giving myself little pep talks saying stuff like, "It's ONLY 90 days, you can do that!" (sighs and kicks self in the ass for being so insanely demented). The strangest thing about it all though was that when it got down to like 60 days, looking at 60 days felt like longer than 90. Then when it got to 40, it felt like an even longer time to wait. There were so many times that people would try to be helpful and be all like, "Well, you've made it through 30, you can make it another 60" and all I could think of was what was the nearest object that I could chunck at their face becuase Oh.My.God 60 days! Did they not have ANY idea how long that was?!
Then I'd start thinking about John and how bad he had it and no telling what in sam fucking hell he was going through. Then, I'd start to cry because I knew he was lonely too and cold and tired and hungry and just as miserable. There are just no words to fully describe any of this.

Going Away

This story begins way back in November of 2005 when my fiancee joined the United States Marine Corps. He's been in now for a year and a half and has just received his orders to go to Iraq. The man that I love with all my heart will be reporting for training in just a matter of days and will spend four to five month of pre-deployment training before he officially ships off. The fact that he will be gone for a year still has not hit me, but when it does, I'm quite sure it will be similar to a bird hitting the windshield of a semi truck. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with him being gone or the fear and uncertainty that this will bring. All that I know is that three months of boot camp was bad and this is going to be way worse.
So I've created this blog to post pictures and be able to keep him up to date with what is going on back here at home-where I am hoping and praying that he will safely return to.