Ok. Sorry, I've just been trying to keep myself really busy lately. I've been working more hours at work and have joined a gym. However, it still doesn't really fill in the blank space of John being gone.
He's still in North Carolina training...or at the least the Marine Corps' idea of training which is more like sit on your ass for 3 weeks, then actaully work for a week straight without hardly stopping...then sit on your ass again. I just haven't really felt like writing too much lately. I haven't felt like talking too much about all of this. It's like as long as he's still in North Carolina, it's all ok and I'm ok. I know this is gonna hit me really soon and it's gonna be hard, but I guess I'm just trying to enjoy being stupid and not facing this yet. I've gotten to go visit him a few times up there, and he got to come back home for a week around the 4th of July, so it's not that bad. Every weekend almost I have something to look foward to, I know that I'll be seeing him soon and that keeps me going. But I'm especially scared now. This is my last weekend to go visit him in North Carolina. And the weekends go by SO fast up there and it feels like I'm hardly there for 30 minutes before it's time to leave again. I'm really excited about going, but then again, as it gets closer to leaving I'm terrified because after this I won't see him for close to a month! And I won't really be able to look foward to going up there on the weekends again. Being able to look foward to something really keeps me going. But now that Iraq is THE near furture I'm not gonna know what to do to fill in the space. John is so much a part of me and my life, and when he's gone there's just so much emptiness...
Monday, July 30, 2007
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